I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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