bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
