Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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