Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's like iHOP with fire
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
