Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
