Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
