her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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