Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
