I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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