tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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