kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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