I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
