What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
