My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize