i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
