Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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