If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
