In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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