I'm lost and stupid without you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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