I can't watch pbs sober anymore
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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