I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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