this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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