its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
