I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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