guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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