so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
