3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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