her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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