You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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