Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
