I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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