I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
