I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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