Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
