I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
