if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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