This is not my ceiling
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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