I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize