you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
