i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
