My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
