Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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