forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
