Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
