Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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