Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
