why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
