He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
