OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
