Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
