what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
