You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
