Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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