Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
