well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
