I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
