R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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