I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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