You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
