i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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