I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
