I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
