highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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