He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize