kristin has been a bad kristin
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's like iHOP with fire
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
