I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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