omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
