hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
