It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
