I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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