Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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